part. Minimise noise. At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer or vacuum cleaner. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

• Be happy to see him.
  
• Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerely your desire to please him.
  
• Listen to him. You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first--remember, his topics of conversation are far more important than yours.
  
• Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you. Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be able to relax.
  
• Your goal: Try to make sure your home is a place of peace, order and tranquillity where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.
  
• Don't great him with complaints and problems.
  
• Don't complain if he's late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
  
• Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bed room. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
  
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing and pleasant voice.
  
• Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
  
• A good wife always knows her place
  

• Ensure you leave the key in the back door to allow your lover to escape as your husband comes in through the front one
  
• Wash your 'personal massager' with soap after use--hygiene is so important! Besides, there's no point making unnecessary demands on your husband while he's painting your toe nails!
  
• Prepare the children. Alight brushing of oil prior to roasting on the fire will go down a treat for your husband's tea.
  
• Arrange his pillow. Ensure it covers his nose and mouth simultaneously and apply pressure to help with his breathing.
  
• Don't great him with problems…….. a kick in the groin will do.
  
• Listen to him, let him talk first. Remember, it's important for him to think his conversation is more important than yours. When he's finished, only then can you piss your self laughing and enjoy his    humiliation.
  
• Don't ask him questions about his judgement or integrity. What's the point of questioning someone with a brain the size of an amoeba?
  
• Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to places of entertainment without you. Seize the opportunity to seduce that gorgeous hunk next door!
  
• Over the cooler months, prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. It also acts as a useful place to shove his head into while you question him about that 'blond piece' at the office party!
  
• Encourage the children to be quiet on his arrival. After all, they might learn the best places to aim for when arguing with their beloved dad. Think of it as an educational and family moment.
  
• And finally -- a good wife always knows her place……..in the local nightclub pissed as a newt, while hubby looks after the kids!!!