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If you suffer from short term memory loss, press 1
If you suffer from short term memory loss, press 1
If you suffer from short term memory loss, press 1
If you suffer from paranoia, press 2 ……..We know who you are and where you live!!!!!
If you suffer from multiple personalities press 3,4,5 and 6.
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 7 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependant, please ask someone to press 8 for you.
If you are a schizophrenic, listen to the voices in your head and they will tell you which number to press.
If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press, no one will answer.
If you have a nervous disorder, please sit and fidget with the phone until someone answers.
If you have amnesia press 9 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, national insurance number and your mothers maiden name.
If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 0.
If you have bi-polar disorder please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
If you have low self esteem, you may as well hang up, you know we don't want to talk to you. In fact, even if we hadn't had a call all day we still wouldn't want to talk to you!!!
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